Sugar, sugar…oooh, if you want my body and ya think I’m sexy come on sugar let me know; if you really need me just reach out and touch me, come on honey tell me so! Do you still find your spouse to be attractive or has the thrill gone? I have been hearing a lot of a certain phrase lately which concerns me: “I still love him/her, I just don’t think I’m in love with him/her.” It appears that many are in marriages in which they are no longer happy. Some have gone so far as to seek out other relationships with either single or married individuals in search of a thrill.

A marriage is in serious trouble when the sexual part of the relationship no longer exists. Many could affirm that this is exactly where there marriage is, but do they know and understand how it got there? When, How, and Why did he/she stop loving me? I believe that when one no longer finds their spouse attractive/sexy, or seems to be no longer interested in sex, it is usually one of four reasons.

Reason One: Probably the most common reason is the physical change in their spouse’s body or physique. Wait gain, droopiness/sagging, wrinkles, hair loss, loss of tightness or firmness, or body odor can affect one’s appearance in a negative manner, to which can become a major problem in their marriage.

Reason Two: Oddly enough, the same sudden or over the years changes (even sickness) in one spousal partner can affect their own feelings about themselves; enough to make them shut down sexually because they no longer “feel” attractive/sexy. Becoming embarrassed with one’s own body can make them too shy or uncomfortable to be disrobed in front of another…even their own spouse.

Reason Three: Both spouses could remain virtually the same as the day they wedded, or suffer only minor changes, however, when one begins to compare their spouse to another, particularly to those of the younger generation, sexual dissatisfaction begins to occur when they “feel” they don’t have the same thing or are missing out on something.

Reason Four: On a rare occasion, both parties are still very much attracted to each other physically speaking; however, either one or both can change inwardly and are no longer the person they use to be. If one remembers their spouse as a sweet, sensitive, kind hearted person, and that was the person they fell in love with, when they change to become a callous person, this could affect one’s attractiveness towards them and their willingness to be close to them. 

Once a couple understands how their marriage got to this critical point, they can then begin to work on correcting the problem, if they both so chooses. For Reasons 1 & 2, changing your health lifestyle to rejuvenate your physical physique as much as possible is all it will take. For Reason 3, it is a matter of preventing your eyes and mind from wandering, and keep reminding yourself of the good thing you already have at home. Looks can be deceiving, not everything that glitters is gold! And for Reason 4, the spouse who changed inwardly has to be willing to understand why he/she changed so dramatically and be willing to work on getting back to the jewel they use to be. And their spouse will have to exercise a lot of patience and willingness to give of themselves intimately to their spouse while they are working on making those changes.

Having family and a life long mate and working diligently together to preserve your love is far better than a life of loneliness going through one meaningless relationship after another. So, if you really need them just reach out and touch them, go ahead friend and tell them so!